Early this morning, I was transferred to a different hospital on a sleeping car.
It is a hospital called Chugoku Chuo Hospital, near my parents’ home.
Okayama University Hospital was such a comfortable hospital with great doctors and nurses, I was a bit anxious about changing, but not a problem at all.
The doctors and nurses here are just as great.
I am going to fight against cancer with the help of my family, so I can get out of the hospital and be able to get out of the hospital. I hope I can get well enough to be able to stay at home and make regular hospital visits.
9/26/2010
September 26, 2010 8:46 AAAAAAH！
The other day, I received an autographed photo collection of UNICORN.It’s great, I love it, makes me feel really good!
It even has “Dear Yukiko” on the cover.
I had asked a friend who was working on a collaboration work with one of the Unicorn member, Abe-san, for their autograph. I was half joking, but they sent it to me right away. And it wasn’t even just the autograph, but on their photo collection!
This friend sent me an encouragement message telling me that Abe-san is also thinking about me. I am a very lucky person. Cancer not only brings me suffering, but it also brings me good things too. I knew I was getting this package, so when I received this at the nurse station, I opened it right away and showed off to the nurses!To UNICORN members, thank you very much! And KO-san who asked for this autograph, thanks so much. This has given me a lot of energy!
9/25/2010
September 25, 2010 14:56 Since the 22nd
It goes back a bit… I called Tara-chan on the evening of the 21st, to inform her that the cancer is growing. She kindly told me “I will be there tomorrow.”
I have mentioned that I was not able to sleep that evening, the following morning, my mom came to the hospital at about 6am. When I saw her, I was in tears. We hugged and cried and cried. On the 22nd, the draining tube from my lungs were taken off, and I was free. Anti-cancer drug starts on the 24th and I had permission to go out on the 23rd. Tara-chan suggested my mom to take me home for a day. She said that she would support me all day. So, to my surprise, I was able to go home for a day.
My uncle who works for a taxi company, kindly prepared a sleeping car for me, so I could go home lying down.
At home, all my favorite food were prepared. At the hospital, I couldn’t eat anything, but that day, I ate everything. It was sooo delicious! I was able to go back to where I had wanted to be, and everyone had a wonderful time and we were all so happy. My high school classmates came to visit, and we cried a bit.
Toy Story 3 was still on at the theater nearby, so Masao-san, Yukuri, and I went to see it. I found out why Lotso, that stuffed doll I received, smells like strawberries. He is a bad guy, but actually has a reason for it. He is a sweet character.
I am so glad I got to see this movie at the theater. The story was great, but when I saw the credits at the end of the movie, I was really thrilled. Daisu, it’s incredible that you were doing the art direction for this great movie.
I got a lot of energy and encouragement from this movie.
Fun time flies. Had great soba for dinner, and I ate all, and came back to reality.
A lot of drugs were prescribed, but all I needed to take was the fever reducer.
Tara-chan is a wonderful person. My mom said, she is like a god. Her child is only 7 months old. It’s not easy for a person to travel so far to visit a friend, because she is sick. She is GREAT. Thank you so much Tara-chan.
The moon I saw from the sleeping car was round and beautiful.
In the morning, it was raining, and I was hoping it would dry out, but eventually the sun came out, and by evening. I was able to see a beautiful full moon.
It sure was a wonderful day!!
I have mentioned that I was not able to sleep that evening, the following morning, my mom came to the hospital at about 6am. When I saw her, I was in tears. We hugged and cried and cried. On the 22nd, the draining tube from my lungs were taken off, and I was free. Anti-cancer drug starts on the 24th and I had permission to go out on the 23rd. Tara-chan suggested my mom to take me home for a day. She said that she would support me all day. So, to my surprise, I was able to go home for a day.
My uncle who works for a taxi company, kindly prepared a sleeping car for me, so I could go home lying down.
At home, all my favorite food were prepared. At the hospital, I couldn’t eat anything, but that day, I ate everything. It was sooo delicious! I was able to go back to where I had wanted to be, and everyone had a wonderful time and we were all so happy. My high school classmates came to visit, and we cried a bit.
Toy Story 3 was still on at the theater nearby, so Masao-san, Yukuri, and I went to see it. I found out why Lotso, that stuffed doll I received, smells like strawberries. He is a bad guy, but actually has a reason for it. He is a sweet character.
I am so glad I got to see this movie at the theater. The story was great, but when I saw the credits at the end of the movie, I was really thrilled. Daisu, it’s incredible that you were doing the art direction for this great movie.
I got a lot of energy and encouragement from this movie.
Fun time flies. Had great soba for dinner, and I ate all, and came back to reality.
A lot of drugs were prescribed, but all I needed to take was the fever reducer.
Tara-chan is a wonderful person. My mom said, she is like a god. Her child is only 7 months old. It’s not easy for a person to travel so far to visit a friend, because she is sick. She is GREAT. Thank you so much Tara-chan.
The moon I saw from the sleeping car was round and beautiful.
In the morning, it was raining, and I was hoping it would dry out, but eventually the sun came out, and by evening. I was able to see a beautiful full moon.
It sure was a wonderful day!!
9/24/2010
September 24, 2010 21:14 Message from Ojiyan
Ojiyan is organizing a charity exhibit for me in November. Below is her message. Thank you so much, Ojiyan!
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
maro and her cheerful friends
◆A charity exhibition to support Maro who has cancer.
A Japanese illustrator, Maro, has been undergoing difficult cancer treatments for the last few months. All of us, her friends, want to do something to show support for her. Many artists have volunteered to participate and organize this event.
All the donations and proceeds of this charity will be used only for Maro's treatment and for her 3 year-old daughter, Yukuri.
◆Date and Place
November 18-23 (12:00 – 19:00. Until 17:00 on the 23rd)The location is at Gallerie Juillet in Koenji, where Maro was originally planning to have an exhibit in November. Thanks to Ms. Fukuda, who have kindly offered to let us use the place. For more details, please refer to the website.
I am looking forward to many of you attending.
http://home.u06.itscom.net/ojiyan/index.html
Yuko Ojima(ojiyan)
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
maro and her cheerful friends
◆A charity exhibition to support Maro who has cancer.
A Japanese illustrator, Maro, has been undergoing difficult cancer treatments for the last few months. All of us, her friends, want to do something to show support for her. Many artists have volunteered to participate and organize this event.
All the donations and proceeds of this charity will be used only for Maro's treatment and for her 3 year-old daughter, Yukuri.
◆Date and Place
November 18-23 (12:00 – 19:00. Until 17:00 on the 23rd)The location is at Gallerie Juillet in Koenji, where Maro was originally planning to have an exhibit in November. Thanks to Ms. Fukuda, who have kindly offered to let us use the place. For more details, please refer to the website.
I am looking forward to many of you attending.
http://home.u06.itscom.net/ojiyan/index.html
Yuko Ojima(ojiyan)
September 24, 2010 14:48 The wish 2
Hope, this also attacks only cancer cells with the least side effect. Please.
September 24, 2010 13:50 The wish
Please, Please, take effect….
For God’s sake.
9/22/2010
September 22, 2010 11:58 Facing the cancer
Yesterday the doctor in charge of me came and told me with a grave expression that the new drug had not worked, that the cancer is growing and that another anti-cancer drug will be used from Friday. I had expected much from this new drug, and it felt like I was thrown into an abyss. The cancer had grown into where the fluids were and had come close to where the draining tube was.
The new drug can only be at Okayama University but other anti-cancer drugs can be used at other hospitals, so I will move to a hospital closer to my parents’ home.
The hospital where I’m at takes an hour and half from my parents’ home and my parents and my child couldn’t visit so often, but the Chuo Hospital near my parents’ home is only a ten minute drive, so I can see Yukuri every day.
My mother is also worried constantly when I’m away from home, and when I told her that the cancer had grown, she gave me a call while crying and said, “Come back home, you’ve done enough already.” I’ll follow the advice. Okayama is a nice place, but closer to my home is better.
I couldn’t sleep last night and had the staff from Palliative Care listen to me all night long and after getting an aroma massage could sleep a little calmly.
You know, I’m not afraid of dying.
But I can’t bear to leave behind the many things and important things.
The doctors faintly suggest that I should spend more time with my close friends and family and hold dear the present moments. Is my cancer getting so worse…..
Okay, that’s it!
No more pity tales!
The new anti-cancer drugs should work!
We’re going to beat the cancer!
The new drug can only be at Okayama University but other anti-cancer drugs can be used at other hospitals, so I will move to a hospital closer to my parents’ home.
The hospital where I’m at takes an hour and half from my parents’ home and my parents and my child couldn’t visit so often, but the Chuo Hospital near my parents’ home is only a ten minute drive, so I can see Yukuri every day.
My mother is also worried constantly when I’m away from home, and when I told her that the cancer had grown, she gave me a call while crying and said, “Come back home, you’ve done enough already.” I’ll follow the advice. Okayama is a nice place, but closer to my home is better.
I couldn’t sleep last night and had the staff from Palliative Care listen to me all night long and after getting an aroma massage could sleep a little calmly.
You know, I’m not afraid of dying.
But I can’t bear to leave behind the many things and important things.
The doctors faintly suggest that I should spend more time with my close friends and family and hold dear the present moments. Is my cancer getting so worse…..
Okay, that’s it!
No more pity tales!
The new anti-cancer drugs should work!
We’re going to beat the cancer!
9/19/2010
September 19, 2010 8:31 Weekness
I realize I am loved by so many people since I found out that I have cancer. I get messages from all over the world. I get phone calls from California, New York, and France. A friend came and visited me from Florida. Many people visit me from different parts of Japan. The mother of a friend from New York, whom I have never met, sent me a package of rice from Niigata and thanked me for being good to her daughter. She wrote to me, “Whenever my daughter calls me, she always talks about you and tells me what a wonderful friend you are.” So many people are cheering me up and giving me support. I feel miserable for not being able to answer all the messages of support and I don’t know what to write in Mixi (Japanese version of Facebook) anymore and have even lost the spirit to continue writing.
I am trying so hard to take these medications. But they are not working. The cancer is getting bigger. They might change to a different medication. They will decide next week after getting results of the CT. I was hoping the medication would work and there would be no more inflammation so I could go home. My body temperature goes up every day. I throw up every day. I have diarrhea, weight loss, no appetite. I have blood tests every day, an intravenous four times a day. I have pain from the drain, and the body I can’t move freely. It has been two months since I have been hospitalized. My mental state is getting close to reaching the limit. I am getting sick of everything. But I don’t want to die. What do I do?
Next week if they put me on a different medication with a lot of side effects, I am not sure if my body can tolerate it physically, mentally.
Yesterday I was thinking about my funeral all day. I heard that the good thing about having cancer is that you can prepare your death. I want my picture on the altar to be the one where I am wearing a kimono and a red wig. It was taken a few years ago at a costume party. And I want music by “Greeen.” While I still have the energy, I want to write a letter for people who come to the funeral, something that will make them cry and laugh. I was thinking things like that yesterday.
Slowly and surely my body is invaded by cancer.
I want to live and go home.
I wonder why God doesn’t allow me to have even that wish.
I am trying so hard to take these medications. But they are not working. The cancer is getting bigger. They might change to a different medication. They will decide next week after getting results of the CT. I was hoping the medication would work and there would be no more inflammation so I could go home. My body temperature goes up every day. I throw up every day. I have diarrhea, weight loss, no appetite. I have blood tests every day, an intravenous four times a day. I have pain from the drain, and the body I can’t move freely. It has been two months since I have been hospitalized. My mental state is getting close to reaching the limit. I am getting sick of everything. But I don’t want to die. What do I do?
Next week if they put me on a different medication with a lot of side effects, I am not sure if my body can tolerate it physically, mentally.
Yesterday I was thinking about my funeral all day. I heard that the good thing about having cancer is that you can prepare your death. I want my picture on the altar to be the one where I am wearing a kimono and a red wig. It was taken a few years ago at a costume party. And I want music by “Greeen.” While I still have the energy, I want to write a letter for people who come to the funeral, something that will make them cry and laugh. I was thinking things like that yesterday.
Slowly and surely my body is invaded by cancer.
I want to live and go home.
I wonder why God doesn’t allow me to have even that wish.
9/13/2010
September 13, 2010 10:12 Feeling downward
I haven’t updated my diary lately. It is because I’m in this downward mode.
Please don’t worry, though. I will write again when I feel better.
Please don’t worry, though. I will write again when I feel better.
9/07/2010
September 7, 2010 7:56 Depressed
Apparently there is a lot of pus in my lungs, I need to get tubes from my lungs to drain it out.
This is a simple surgery and it will be performed at noon today. Supposed to be a simple process, but it is pretty depressing to get it. THAT again…
When I was told that yesterday, I felt so bad and was just sick of everything and felt like screaming from the top of my lungs, but I can’t be screaming in my hospital room, so I screamed into my pillow… which is a little secret….
This is a simple surgery and it will be performed at noon today. Supposed to be a simple process, but it is pretty depressing to get it. THAT again…
When I was told that yesterday, I felt so bad and was just sick of everything and felt like screaming from the top of my lungs, but I can’t be screaming in my hospital room, so I screamed into my pillow… which is a little secret….
9/06/2010
September 6, 2010 9:27 Side effects of the new drug
It has been a week since I have been on this new drug.
For the time being, the side effects are nausea and numbness in my tongue.
The doctor said that there should be no nausea side effect, but lately there seem to be reports of such side effects, so this must be from the drug.
Last week I vomited for 3 consecutive days. One of the days, I felt sick, fell, and vomited while visiting the floor downstairs, so I was brought back on a stretcher. Oh, dear....
So now, the doctor prescribed an anti-nausea drug along with the new drug.
I wish they’d give me less drugs, instead of the anti-nausea, but I guess that’s not possible.... Oh, too bad.
I need to take this new drug twice a day, mornings and evenings. This drug time is dreadful.
It’s hard to swallow, and the sweet coating seems to be thin, so if I can’t swallow it at the right timing, I can taste the strong bitterness around my throat.
Oh, and I’m starting to have fever again since last week. Getting IV again. Problems after problems....
X-ray today. I hope the cancer is getting smaller. If it is, I’d be happy to take those drugs.
For the time being, the side effects are nausea and numbness in my tongue.
The doctor said that there should be no nausea side effect, but lately there seem to be reports of such side effects, so this must be from the drug.
Last week I vomited for 3 consecutive days. One of the days, I felt sick, fell, and vomited while visiting the floor downstairs, so I was brought back on a stretcher. Oh, dear....
So now, the doctor prescribed an anti-nausea drug along with the new drug.
I wish they’d give me less drugs, instead of the anti-nausea, but I guess that’s not possible.... Oh, too bad.
I need to take this new drug twice a day, mornings and evenings. This drug time is dreadful.
It’s hard to swallow, and the sweet coating seems to be thin, so if I can’t swallow it at the right timing, I can taste the strong bitterness around my throat.
Oh, and I’m starting to have fever again since last week. Getting IV again. Problems after problems....
X-ray today. I hope the cancer is getting smaller. If it is, I’d be happy to take those drugs.
9/02/2010
September 2, 2010 8:00 September already
It’s been 4 days since I started taking the new drug.Seems like I am getting better and better every day.
Yesterday, I felt so good when I woke up, I ended up morning a lot and doing a lot of things. Probably because of that, I started feeling sick around 9, and along with that, I felt really sleepy. I ended up sleeping all day, since the sleepiness and sickness never went away.
The doctor said, “This drug is not supposed to make you feel sick.” The first two days, I did not have this symptom and I felt all right. It’s only the third day that this symptom occurred, so I don’t know what made me so sick. Continuous sleepiness. Just like the morning sickness during the first trimester of pregnancy.
Wouldn’t it be funny if my tummy started getting bigger and bigger, and I have a baby? And the doctor would say, “No, you never had cancer. You were pregnant ” What a big big mistake.
Nope. Impossible. Too much X-rays, too much anti-cancer shots, too much drugs every day. Impossible for a healthy baby anyway.
Well, enough of my fantasies. Better start exercising to get more physical strength.
When I get stronger, I’m gonna get permission to go out and go see Toy Story 3 That is my goal for now. Better go soon before it finishes.
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