I was supposed to hold the exhibition and display my work.
I gave up on it when I found out the cancer...
But today, that was supposed to be the first day of my exhibition, many friends gathered at, and filled with their artworks, the place where I was supposed to hold the exhibition.
Some of my works are also displayed.
It starts today.
"Exhibition by Maro and Her Cheerful Friends"
http://home.u06.itscom.net/ojiyan/
Thanks everyone.
Really thank you.
11/18/2010
11/17/2010
November 17, 2010 17:08 Medication
to reduce side effects
to prevent infections
to prevent clogged blood vessels
When I was in Okayama, I was prescribed excessive amounts of medication that were added every time my symptoms became worse. I didn't like to be under so much medication. When I was constipated, laxatives were prescribed; when I threw up, anti-nausea drugs were added; and to prevent pain, a painkiller was used.
I was discouraged and felt depressed taking all those drugs, even though they were treatments to help my symptoms.
The only drug I appreciated was an antipyretic. Having a fever of 38 centigrade (100 F) every day was unbearable, so that when I felt my temperature go up, I asked the nurse for the drug.
Look, how am I doing now? I am under much less medication.
I stopped using the morphine painkillers when I was released from the hospital. Morphine was prescribed when I suffered pain in my chest, so I was thrilled when I decided to stop it. I thought I could start taking it again as soon as I felt the pain. Also I wanted to know how much pain I would have without it. It turned out I was ok without the drug, so the prescription was stopped after consultation with the doctors. If I keep taking unnecessary drugs, my immune system will weaken. I am the only person that notices the pain. I will keep watching my body and my condition carefully while I try to reduce the amount of medication.
11/15/2010
November 15, 2010 09:53 The reason why I disclosed my cancer
Being hospitalized I get to know many people who have cancer
Well, mostly people who are a lot older than I am, but some look like they are in their 40s.
All of them told me that they had disclosed their cancer only to their families and not to their neighbors and friends. The lady who came by when I was having breakfast told her caller, probably her husband, “If you’re asked about me, tell them that I’m just lying down, feeling unwell.”
Everyone said that they didn’t tell because they didn’t want their acquaintances to be bothered by their illness.
In my case though, I thought that if I didn’t tell anybody, I would be caring too much for the people around me and not being able to concentrate on my treatments; so I disclosed it on the day I was told about my cancer. Of course, only to my close friends on Mixi (Japanese version of Facebook).
I had an event which I was the host and which many people had been involved, and nobody could replace me...canceling the event would cause problems for a lot of many people, so I had to tell them the reason.
There are people who tell me that disclosing my cancer meant that I was strong, but I don’t think so. I couldn’t stop crying every time I told someone about my cancer… my body and mind was all in tatters. From the outside, it might seem that I had a lot of courage to speak about my cancer, but after being informed of my cancer, I was so weak that I needed to tell someone. I couldn’t care that much about people around me…
And when I think about it now, I think the event was so shocking that I had to confess my illness because I really wanted someone to help me and support me. “Help somebody!” So many friends and family have supported me since then.
By disclosing my cancer, many people have visited me to Okayama and Fukuyama both far away places and I received many entertaining gifts. So I have not felt lonely. Many people have told me about cancer treatments and bouts with cancer.
And because of my cancer, 106 artists have gathered to organize this charity exhibition.
It’s been realized because I had disclosed my cancer, and many people had followed my wishes and supported me.
If I had only disclosed my cancer only to some people and it had become a rumor, everyone would have been overly sensitive to me and the charity event wouldn’t be held.
The charity started when one of my friends visited me in July and said “I want to do Potterin (Maro’s pottery work shop) in place Maro-chan”. I was so happy that I cried at that moment.
After that this followed: “Everyone wants to do something for Maro-chan but every one is feeling the dilemma that they can’t do anything. It takes time to do pottery…so artists could sell their art, mommy friends who aren’t artists can buy the art and the proceeds can go to the medical bills.”
I gladly accepted the offer. Though I didn’t think it would become so big then.
To disclose the cancer or not is a personal choice, but I’m glad I disclosed it at an early stage.
Now I can smile and say “I have cancer but I’m feelin’ gooood!”
The charity will start on the 18th this week. The exhibition is a collection of my dear friends at a place where I hold dear. I’m proud of everyone. I can’t go, but I imagine lots of people attending and being excited and being inspired by the art. It should be an exhibition that will exceed just a charity event. Please go and see.
Well, mostly people who are a lot older than I am, but some look like they are in their 40s.
All of them told me that they had disclosed their cancer only to their families and not to their neighbors and friends. The lady who came by when I was having breakfast told her caller, probably her husband, “If you’re asked about me, tell them that I’m just lying down, feeling unwell.”
Everyone said that they didn’t tell because they didn’t want their acquaintances to be bothered by their illness.
In my case though, I thought that if I didn’t tell anybody, I would be caring too much for the people around me and not being able to concentrate on my treatments; so I disclosed it on the day I was told about my cancer. Of course, only to my close friends on Mixi (Japanese version of Facebook).
I had an event which I was the host and which many people had been involved, and nobody could replace me...canceling the event would cause problems for a lot of many people, so I had to tell them the reason.
There are people who tell me that disclosing my cancer meant that I was strong, but I don’t think so. I couldn’t stop crying every time I told someone about my cancer… my body and mind was all in tatters. From the outside, it might seem that I had a lot of courage to speak about my cancer, but after being informed of my cancer, I was so weak that I needed to tell someone. I couldn’t care that much about people around me…
And when I think about it now, I think the event was so shocking that I had to confess my illness because I really wanted someone to help me and support me. “Help somebody!” So many friends and family have supported me since then.
By disclosing my cancer, many people have visited me to Okayama and Fukuyama both far away places and I received many entertaining gifts. So I have not felt lonely. Many people have told me about cancer treatments and bouts with cancer.
And because of my cancer, 106 artists have gathered to organize this charity exhibition.
It’s been realized because I had disclosed my cancer, and many people had followed my wishes and supported me.
If I had only disclosed my cancer only to some people and it had become a rumor, everyone would have been overly sensitive to me and the charity event wouldn’t be held.
The charity started when one of my friends visited me in July and said “I want to do Potterin (Maro’s pottery work shop) in place Maro-chan”. I was so happy that I cried at that moment.
After that this followed: “Everyone wants to do something for Maro-chan but every one is feeling the dilemma that they can’t do anything. It takes time to do pottery…so artists could sell their art, mommy friends who aren’t artists can buy the art and the proceeds can go to the medical bills.”
I gladly accepted the offer. Though I didn’t think it would become so big then.
To disclose the cancer or not is a personal choice, but I’m glad I disclosed it at an early stage.
Now I can smile and say “I have cancer but I’m feelin’ gooood!”
The charity will start on the 18th this week. The exhibition is a collection of my dear friends at a place where I hold dear. I’m proud of everyone. I can’t go, but I imagine lots of people attending and being excited and being inspired by the art. It should be an exhibition that will exceed just a charity event. Please go and see.
11/10/2010
November 10, 2010 16:12 I will write.
Yukuri is into reading these days, so I decided to write to her every day. Hope she understands my thoughts.
November 10, 2010 11:00 Go! Part 2
Amlita took about 10 minutes, but this Carboplatin will take about an hour.
Go! You too, will help my white blood cells to fight cancer in my body!!
I have UNICORN music on full volume. When I was in Okayama in a private room, my breath would not last long enough to sing, but now I can sing.
I want to go to Karaoke!
November 10, 2010 10:46 Go!
Started with Alimta. This drug has less side effects, and I also like the name.
Go!! Become my soldier, and fight cancer for me!
November 10, 2010 09:32 It’s been a while…
By the way, I visited to the clinic in Osaka to get an immune cell drip infusion, before I readmitted this time. I went to Osaka, because we couldn’t find a clinic in Fukuyama, in where immune cell drip infusion could be performed. Also, I wanted to see the clinic in Osaka since that was the first immunecytotherapy for me. So I went there, assisted by my mother and my friend who introduced me to the clinic. The first treatment went good, but it will take 3weeks to produce some effect. They recommend this treatment once a week between the anti-cancer drug treatments.
Last Thursday I was hospitalized again for the 3rd anti-cancer drug treatment, but I caught a cold and it was postponed until today. If I didn’t get sick, I could have one more immune cell drip infusion last week, but I guess this is how it goes. I should take it easy and do whatever I can at time.
I hope this time the anti-cancer drug will not give me severe side effect. I feel a little insecure because Masao-san is away in Tokyo. I will ask him to stay with me for the next treatment.
Today, I spoke with my doctor about anti-cancer drug treatment. Usually they perform 4 periods of anti-cancer drug treatments, but if it works well, they will continue up to 6 periods. I asked doctor what they would do after finishing all periods, he said “we have to see the condition and decide what we do next.” I hope my cancer is getting very small. Based on the size before the treatment and the effectiveness of the anti-cancer drugs on my cancer so far, I’m not sure if it is getting small enough to makes me feel secure.
According to the doctor, there has not been the clinical evidence of continuous anti-cancer drug treatments yet, and regarding the anti-cancer drug treatments, there are different opinions depending on doctors. I understand there is no definite answer because each patient has different cancer and it takes different effect.
Again, I realized that while I listen to my doctor’s advice, I have to trust myself and think over by myself and decide how my cancer is treated. Doctors may choose the way to treat, which has the most effective result in clinical trials, but patients do choose whatever has the best chance of survival. At least I do.
Ojiyan, who is the sponsor of the charity exhibition for me, told me that she would continue the charity for me so that I can continue the immunecytotherapy. I think for me to fight against the cancer is the least thing I can do to show my gratitude to people who care about me. I will try my best to handle today’s anti-cancer drug treatment!
I went home yesterday and saw my daughter, Yukuri. When I was about to leave, she cried for the first time. She cried and said “You can’t go! We sleep together”.
She knew I would go to the hospital to get better, and tried not to be demanding. She was looking down and saying very softly at first, but by the time when I was about to leave, she was crying loud. It was very hard for me too. When I see my parents cry, I feel like I have to be strong, but seeing my daughter crying is very hard. She will turn to be 4 years old pretty soon. She still needs a lot of affection from parents. She knows that once I go to the hospital, I won’t come home for a while.
I want three of us, parents and the child, to live together again very soon.
My daughter draw this picture and I hang on the wall in my room at the hospital.
Me(left), Yukuri(middle), Masao-san(right).
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