The inside of my mouth feels all sandy due to the side effects.
No matter how often I brush my teeth, it's like sandpaper inside my mouth.
When I eat, it feels like I'm eating sand along with my food.
(Sigh) It's hard when you can't enjoy your food even when you want to eat it.
The doctor says that I should eat when I can since the chemo from today should kick in and take down the fever and I should relatively feel better. But dunno what to do.
It's like I'm just shoving food down my throat. Now I can really relate to how they say that you lose your appetite once you start chemotherapy treatment.
I was able to eat the corn that mom brought over for the time being.
I need to try eating a little more for dinner.
By the way, the food here is much better than at the previous hospital.
7/31/2010
July 31, 2010 15:15 Manicure
They painted things like little elves that kill cancer cells, strawberries, butterflies, rainbows ~
July 31, 2010 11:34 Today's Diary Entry
Today is the second phase of my chemotherapy.
I suffered high fever and nausea the first time around. This one supposedly has fatigue and diarrhea as its side effects.
I suffered high fever and nausea the first time around. This one supposedly has fatigue and diarrhea as its side effects.
7/30/2010
July 30, 2010 08:29 recent health
Lights out is at 10pm, but when I sleep then, I wake up around 4am. I’ve been posting on mixi that I’ve been feeling good but recently, the medicine wears out by early morning and I get a fever of 39 C. Went through days where my body ached and feeling groggy with the IV. There are times when I feel good but I get tired easily. It seems that my immune system is down due to the reduction of white blood cells with the chemo. Having X-rays and blood tests everyday is tiring. I do have an appetite except when my body feels unwell. Masao-san cooks food that’s good for my body and brings it to me.
I feel bad that friends come to visit from afar and there are times when I’m unwell. I sweat a lot from the fever but I can’t even shower and feels gross. I wonder if I can shower today.
The other day, I saw Yukuri for the first time in a while. Felt a bit distant since it’s been a while since we last met, but I could also tell that she was trying really hard even as a little child. I cried when she said, “Mama, gambattene”
I absolutely have to go back to the life I had. & to love her more than ever.
I will never give up and I will never give in
I feel bad that friends come to visit from afar and there are times when I’m unwell. I sweat a lot from the fever but I can’t even shower and feels gross. I wonder if I can shower today.
The other day, I saw Yukuri for the first time in a while. Felt a bit distant since it’s been a while since we last met, but I could also tell that she was trying really hard even as a little child. I cried when she said, “Mama, gambattene”
I absolutely have to go back to the life I had. & to love her more than ever.
I will never give up and I will never give in
7/28/2010
July 28, 2010 07:36 Blood Clot and IV
As expected, the tests found a blood clot in the lungs yesterday. If we leave it as is, it’ll become hard to breathe so they started a new IV to thin the blood. They say I have to leave the IV on for about a week till the blood clot goes away. (sigh), a bit inconvenient, don’t you think? Like going to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
In addition, because the IV prevents the blood to coagulate, I’m supposed to be careful of not hurting myself. If a blood vessel breaks in the lungs, I’ll cough up blood and would be a big problem. So I’m nervous about even coughing since yesterday. Hope this blood clot goes away soon.
Yesterday , Tara-chan went home back to Iwate. She’s got her husband and her child to look after as well of course. But I miss her. She used to come visit everyday. Tara-chan has totally looked after me on everything and I’m indebted to her.
Aside from when I’m taking the IV, I feel good. Maybe because of everyone’s prayers, I don’t have much side effects except for the swelling. Today, my mom from Tokyo, Ojiyan and Takako Susai who made the mobile doll for my IV bar are coming to visit me. Mom brought over Yukuri since Ojiyan wanted to meet her as well.
In addition, because the IV prevents the blood to coagulate, I’m supposed to be careful of not hurting myself. If a blood vessel breaks in the lungs, I’ll cough up blood and would be a big problem. So I’m nervous about even coughing since yesterday. Hope this blood clot goes away soon.
Yesterday , Tara-chan went home back to Iwate. She’s got her husband and her child to look after as well of course. But I miss her. She used to come visit everyday. Tara-chan has totally looked after me on everything and I’m indebted to her.
Aside from when I’m taking the IV, I feel good. Maybe because of everyone’s prayers, I don’t have much side effects except for the swelling. Today, my mom from Tokyo, Ojiyan and Takako Susai who made the mobile doll for my IV bar are coming to visit me. Mom brought over Yukuri since Ojiyan wanted to meet her as well.
7/27/2010
July 27, 2010 06:25 I received a lot of love
Yesterday morning, I had breakfast with that lady in the cafeteria gain. She told me that there’s a library on the 11th floor of the hospital so I went with Masao-san. They had some manga so I took out one that looked fun. 
By lunch mom came by and brought over gifts from friends that we had received at home. There was a doll I had requested from my artist friend Takako Susai. I hung it on my IV bar. IV is gonna be more fun because of this. Thank you Ta-chan.
By lunch mom came by and brought over gifts from friends that we had received at home. There was a doll I had requested from my artist friend Takako Susai. I hung it on my IV bar. IV is gonna be more fun because of this. Thank you Ta-chan.Yesterday, the IV ended early and I felt good.
No matter what, it is exhausting during the IV treatment. I guess you can’t help it because you’re dripping 1500 ~ 2000(ml) of various medication in your bloodstream. Thanks to all the IV, my body’s totally swollen up.
In the afternoon, Tara-chan brought over a digital photo frame with pictures from friends in Tokyo as well as a card with everyone’s well wishes. It made me happy to see messages from friends from even Florida and Kobe. I looked at the photos over and over. Thank you for all your messages.
7/26/2010
July 26, 2010 04:15 Intravenous (IV) Therapy
Why am I posting at such an hour? Well, the anti-nausea IV that I got from yesterday morning didn’t sit well with my body – and I suffered migraine and chest pains – so had it removed and had the doctor come by to see me. Was feeling groggy all day on my side and fell asleep by 9pm so I’m wide awake now. I’m totally craving for somen noodles! I ate yoghurt but it’s not enough!
Yesterday, before the IV I was feeling good. When I’m feeling good, I try to eat at the cafeteria and yesterday met a woman with the same disease.
There aren’t many around my age with this disease after all. It was good to hear all kinds of stories from someone who is going through the same battle and one who has more years of experience in life. I have some painful (though I don’t want to use this word much) side effects waiting for me. Probably will kick in from tomorrow. I already feel a weird sensation on my tongue and can’t eat some food. The doctor has briefed me on this but the reaction depends from person to person so I’ve no idea what kind of side effects I’ll have.
If this diary stops, please think that I’m going through painful side effects. But this phase of side effects is supposed to go away in 2-3 days. And once stabilized, I can even go outside.
But after that, another chemotherapy – seems like the only thing we can do is to keep testing everyday and figuring out which treatment works for my body as we go along. (sigh)
Around noon friends from Shiga, Fukuoka, and Nagoya came. These are easy going buddies of mine so I stayed in bed as we chatted. The friends from Fukuoka and Nagoya friend are ones I met in my days in California. It’s been about 4 years since I last saw them but it didn’t feel like so much time had passed btw us – was really fun. Since I was lying down for a while, I felt better and we went to have a meal at the cafeteria and continued chatting. After that, I went back to bed and they went home. I’m sorry you came all the way to visit and we couldn’t hang out longer because I’m not doing so well. I really wanted to chat for some more.
My sister-in-law said that Yukuri prays for me every morning and every night by the butsudan shrine. I’m going to try my best – and go through this chemotherapy – so I can see Yukuri soon.
Yesterday, before the IV I was feeling good. When I’m feeling good, I try to eat at the cafeteria and yesterday met a woman with the same disease.
There aren’t many around my age with this disease after all. It was good to hear all kinds of stories from someone who is going through the same battle and one who has more years of experience in life. I have some painful (though I don’t want to use this word much) side effects waiting for me. Probably will kick in from tomorrow. I already feel a weird sensation on my tongue and can’t eat some food. The doctor has briefed me on this but the reaction depends from person to person so I’ve no idea what kind of side effects I’ll have.
If this diary stops, please think that I’m going through painful side effects. But this phase of side effects is supposed to go away in 2-3 days. And once stabilized, I can even go outside.
But after that, another chemotherapy – seems like the only thing we can do is to keep testing everyday and figuring out which treatment works for my body as we go along. (sigh)
Around noon friends from Shiga, Fukuoka, and Nagoya came. These are easy going buddies of mine so I stayed in bed as we chatted. The friends from Fukuoka and Nagoya friend are ones I met in my days in California. It’s been about 4 years since I last saw them but it didn’t feel like so much time had passed btw us – was really fun. Since I was lying down for a while, I felt better and we went to have a meal at the cafeteria and continued chatting. After that, I went back to bed and they went home. I’m sorry you came all the way to visit and we couldn’t hang out longer because I’m not doing so well. I really wanted to chat for some more.
My sister-in-law said that Yukuri prays for me every morning and every night by the butsudan shrine. I’m going to try my best – and go through this chemotherapy – so I can see Yukuri soon.
7/25/2010
July 25, 2010 07:45 AKB48 & Oasis Okubo
I broke a fever of 39 degrees (C) early in the morning but was able to go through chemotherapy by taking some medication to bring down the fever. Thank goodness.
There are many types of lung cancer and I have two of them. One of them - the small cell lung cancer - is an aggressive type but one that responds well to so I’m hopeful this chemo will help.
The whole program with chemotherapy, anti-nausea medication and side effect reducing medication IV treatment that started in the morning finally ended around 6pm. Phew, that was long.
Meanwhile, maybe I felt everyone’s prayers – I started to feel that things were absolutely going to be okay.
But after all the IVs, I didn’t feel so well anymore so had to lay down.
During the day Masao-san and Tara-chan came to visit so chatting with them helped keep my mind off.
Tara-chan and her husband arranged a contract with a nearby a furnished housing apt so that people who visit me in Okayama can stay there. If anyone is visiting from long distance, and need a place to stay, please contact me via mixi.
Really, Tara-chan, I can’t thank you enough.
They say that you won’t feel the side effects right away but was feeling sick by night.
My stomach is upset even though I took the anti-nausea IV.
The IV included non-drowsy medication so I battled my feeling sick and nausea for about 3 hours.
Tara-chan told me that I hold things in too much and that if I don’t feel well that I need to let the nurses know – so I called the nurse.
Then here we had Nurse Oasis Okubo's arrival. With the advent of this nurse, I realized that all the other nurses were AKB48. All those pretty nurses would go “What happened? Is everthing okay?” and take care of me but Nurse Oasis Okubo is like, “So you feel sick? Feel nauseous? We’ve drugs or shots, which one do ya want?”.. really just like the Okubo you see on TV – she even looks like her.
The AKB ones would ask like “Are you okay. Can you drink this?” and help open the medicine. When you’re feeling ill it’s nice to have that extra care and attention - they’re the type that would say, ”If you’re ever feeling sick again, please call us,” before they leave.
So it’s like rolling the dice when I call the nurse on who I’ll get. (sigh)
If I have any more Nurse Okubo news, I’ll post it.
I feel great today, Maybe the chemo is helping.
Today, friends from Nagoya, Fukuoka, and Shiga are coming. I have IV all day again so I’ll try to take it easy today.
I’m thankful again that my condition is stable today.
7/24/2010
July 24, 2010 13:18 Hoping it takes effect
The chemotherapy starts today.
All day intravenous (IV) treatment.
Hope it takes effect. (pray)
All day intravenous (IV) treatment.
Hope it takes effect. (pray)
July 24, 2010 06:41 Having you there is all I need
There is a blog that I read everyday for encouragement which is written by a mother who overcame cancer and lives with cancer. I wanted to share it with all of you and am going to post an excerpt here:
========
Having you there is all I need. We’ll run into many walls but we’ll overcome them one by one.
And then, there is that one most important thing that tends to be forgotten.
One may think that the person with the cancer is feeling the most pain.
But those who care about you are also feeling just as much pain.
While you’re facing the terror of “death”, those who love you are also living the inability to escape from the depth of fear of losing you.
This “no exit” is nothing other than “hell”
That is why- you don’t need to do anything. All I need is you to be there.
To see you smile again will I’m sure take much more time.
The drug treatments will take you through extreme emotional rollercoaster rides never experienced, and there will be more tears to come.
There will be time and time again, moments where you want to quit life and say “It’s too hard, I can’t do this anymore.”
But when you give up, you not only give up on yourself, but you also take away a significant meaning of life from those who care about you.
Words cannot express such sense of defeat.
I would blame myself and suffer for the rest of my life.
It’ll still take much much more time until you can turn around to feel that "Cancer" can be a gift/blessing in disguise.
I’m sure that time will come.
You’re not alone.
We’ll get through this together.
I’ll come see you.
We’ll “Gambaru” together.
======
I’m not the only one in pain here.
I’ll do my best to fight this disease.
I’ll never give up.
So wait for me everyone!
========
Having you there is all I need. We’ll run into many walls but we’ll overcome them one by one.
And then, there is that one most important thing that tends to be forgotten.
One may think that the person with the cancer is feeling the most pain.
But those who care about you are also feeling just as much pain.
While you’re facing the terror of “death”, those who love you are also living the inability to escape from the depth of fear of losing you.
This “no exit” is nothing other than “hell”
That is why- you don’t need to do anything. All I need is you to be there.
To see you smile again will I’m sure take much more time.
The drug treatments will take you through extreme emotional rollercoaster rides never experienced, and there will be more tears to come.
There will be time and time again, moments where you want to quit life and say “It’s too hard, I can’t do this anymore.”
But when you give up, you not only give up on yourself, but you also take away a significant meaning of life from those who care about you.
Words cannot express such sense of defeat.
I would blame myself and suffer for the rest of my life.
It’ll still take much much more time until you can turn around to feel that "Cancer" can be a gift/blessing in disguise.
I’m sure that time will come.
You’re not alone.
We’ll get through this together.
I’ll come see you.
We’ll “Gambaru” together.
======
I’m not the only one in pain here.
I’ll do my best to fight this disease.
I’ll never give up.
So wait for me everyone!
7/23/2010
July 23, 2010 22:29 Changed Hospitals
Today, I transferred to Okayama University Hospital .
The doctors and nurses at Kyokuto Hospital were really nice people and I was comfortable there. They had a really huge bath which was great. I would have loved to stay if they could treat my lungs there as well. But this one is close to Okayama train station and my aunt. Masao-san can also visit on his bicycle. So it's convenient.
Ate lunch and moved to Okayama University Hospital. Mom came with her car.
Upon arrival, went to the hospital room and immediately did some blood tests. Seems like anywhere I go, they can never get it right when they use the needle on me. It's just fate.
As I lay down exhausted in bed, Masao-san along with his brother and his wife from Tokyo visited me and brought me fruits from Senbikiya Fruit shop.
Then I got the CT scan contrast agents for CAT Scan Test.
According to my doctor, since I hadn't done a DNA test at the Nihon Univ Hospital, we were going to get some tests done immediately in order to start treatment as early as next week.
In the early evening, Tara-chan came to visit me again.
At night, my doctor came and said that according to the CAT scan results from the afternoon, he could tell that the disease had progressed much faster than expected, meaning we couldn't really wait for the DNA results and should start treatment as soon as tomorrow. So he said in a serious tone that I should contact my family members to come asap.
So Masao-san and Tara-chan came to the hospital immediately. I wasn't sure about asking Tara-chan because it was late and she has a young baby but it was really good to have her with us. She was able to understand and listen to all the technical jargon that we wouldn't understand on our own so it was extremely helpful. Tara-chan is my angel.
I don’t get why the disease is progressing when I’m feeling so well. Can’t think about the future. Right now, I just need to focus on the treatment. I only have one choice, go through the treatment from tomorrow.
I will most definitely live.
I’m not going to let everyone down.
I will never give up.
Everyone – please pray for me that the cancer treatment tomorrow will work and that the cancer cells will get smaller. Please.
The doctors and nurses at Kyokuto Hospital were really nice people and I was comfortable there. They had a really huge bath which was great. I would have loved to stay if they could treat my lungs there as well. But this one is close to Okayama train station and my aunt. Masao-san can also visit on his bicycle. So it's convenient.
Ate lunch and moved to Okayama University Hospital. Mom came with her car.
Upon arrival, went to the hospital room and immediately did some blood tests. Seems like anywhere I go, they can never get it right when they use the needle on me. It's just fate.
As I lay down exhausted in bed, Masao-san along with his brother and his wife from Tokyo visited me and brought me fruits from Senbikiya Fruit shop.
Then I got the CT scan contrast agents for CAT Scan Test.
According to my doctor, since I hadn't done a DNA test at the Nihon Univ Hospital, we were going to get some tests done immediately in order to start treatment as early as next week.
In the early evening, Tara-chan came to visit me again.
At night, my doctor came and said that according to the CAT scan results from the afternoon, he could tell that the disease had progressed much faster than expected, meaning we couldn't really wait for the DNA results and should start treatment as soon as tomorrow. So he said in a serious tone that I should contact my family members to come asap.
So Masao-san and Tara-chan came to the hospital immediately. I wasn't sure about asking Tara-chan because it was late and she has a young baby but it was really good to have her with us. She was able to understand and listen to all the technical jargon that we wouldn't understand on our own so it was extremely helpful. Tara-chan is my angel.
I don’t get why the disease is progressing when I’m feeling so well. Can’t think about the future. Right now, I just need to focus on the treatment. I only have one choice, go through the treatment from tomorrow.
I will most definitely live.
I’m not going to let everyone down.
I will never give up.
Everyone – please pray for me that the cancer treatment tomorrow will work and that the cancer cells will get smaller. Please.
7/22/2010
July 22, 2010 06:24 Day 7 at the hospital
It was the day for PET an examination to see if cancer is spreading across the body.
I was told to fast from the morning.
I was in the worst shape that day.
The painkiller I took in the morning didn't work at all. So the doctor finally decided to prescribe a medicine that contains marihuana.
"It should work well but you might feel a little dizzy" said the doctor. The nurse was give me a massage for a while until Masao-san showed up this morning.
At 11:30am I was called for the examination. They gave me a shot and I was resting for a while. They started PET exam after making sure the effect of the injection had reached across the body. But ever since I got the injection I felt I was in the worst shape.
Maybe because of this medicine I started feeling terrible nausea every time I tried to get up, so I had to use the stretcher the whole day that day to get around. I felt so terrible especially when I got up while my head was half-conscious.
There were 2 PET exams. I lay down for 30 minutes to get CT scanned, rested for a little while and then had a 30-minute CT scan again.
I was only lying down and half sleeping while PET exam was done.
Masao-san must have been shocked to see me half-conscious on the stretcher when I was leaving the exam room.
In the afternoon, my parents came out to hear about the result of the PET exam. I was still in a terrible shape at that time. I thought the test results would make my condition even worse, so I was resting until the very last moment. Called around 3pm to hear the test results. I could somehow manage to sit on a wheelchair to get there.
It turned out that it spread to the bone behind the pelvis and to the pelvic lymph nodes.
After the test report I was left alone in another room. "What is it? What's going on? Are they going to pronounce my remaining time to live only to my family?" I thought. But I was in so bad shape that I was unable to pursue my curiosity. After leaving the room I felt sick again, so I lay down a bit and they carried me on a stretcher.
Everybody came back from the meeting with the doctor. Their faces didn't seem so sad ...but I was too scared to ask them if it wasn't really a pronouncement of my time remaining. Tara-chan came by late afternoon. I talked to her about my anxieties and everything. I told her that I kept feeling nausea. She gave brisk instructions to the nurse and prescribed me a medicine that should stop nausea. And after that I felt better gradually. I could eat dinner in the evening.
They allowed me to be transferred to Okayama University Hospital on the 23rd. I'm in a bad shape sometimes but that doesn't mean that I don't want to see people. You are always welcome to come see me.
From today until I'm transferred to the other hospital I'm in a private room. Masao-san will be staying with me looking after me.
That makes me feel safe and secured at night.
I was told to fast from the morning.
I was in the worst shape that day.
The painkiller I took in the morning didn't work at all. So the doctor finally decided to prescribe a medicine that contains marihuana.
"It should work well but you might feel a little dizzy" said the doctor. The nurse was give me a massage for a while until Masao-san showed up this morning.
At 11:30am I was called for the examination. They gave me a shot and I was resting for a while. They started PET exam after making sure the effect of the injection had reached across the body. But ever since I got the injection I felt I was in the worst shape.
Maybe because of this medicine I started feeling terrible nausea every time I tried to get up, so I had to use the stretcher the whole day that day to get around. I felt so terrible especially when I got up while my head was half-conscious.
There were 2 PET exams. I lay down for 30 minutes to get CT scanned, rested for a little while and then had a 30-minute CT scan again.
I was only lying down and half sleeping while PET exam was done.
Masao-san must have been shocked to see me half-conscious on the stretcher when I was leaving the exam room.
In the afternoon, my parents came out to hear about the result of the PET exam. I was still in a terrible shape at that time. I thought the test results would make my condition even worse, so I was resting until the very last moment. Called around 3pm to hear the test results. I could somehow manage to sit on a wheelchair to get there.
It turned out that it spread to the bone behind the pelvis and to the pelvic lymph nodes.
After the test report I was left alone in another room. "What is it? What's going on? Are they going to pronounce my remaining time to live only to my family?" I thought. But I was in so bad shape that I was unable to pursue my curiosity. After leaving the room I felt sick again, so I lay down a bit and they carried me on a stretcher.
Everybody came back from the meeting with the doctor. Their faces didn't seem so sad ...but I was too scared to ask them if it wasn't really a pronouncement of my time remaining. Tara-chan came by late afternoon. I talked to her about my anxieties and everything. I told her that I kept feeling nausea. She gave brisk instructions to the nurse and prescribed me a medicine that should stop nausea. And after that I felt better gradually. I could eat dinner in the evening.
They allowed me to be transferred to Okayama University Hospital on the 23rd. I'm in a bad shape sometimes but that doesn't mean that I don't want to see people. You are always welcome to come see me.
From today until I'm transferred to the other hospital I'm in a private room. Masao-san will be staying with me looking after me.
That makes me feel safe and secured at night.
7/19/2010
July 19, 2010 16:17 It was so delicious
It was sooo delicious!
I will start getting treatments again from tomorrow.
Tara-chan traveled all the way to visit me today.
I feel like I can handle my pain a little better now. I am well.
7/18/2010
July 18, 2010 07:06 Day 3 at the hospital
Masao-san is staying at my aunt's place which is about 10 minutes from the hospital by bus. He comes to see me at the hospital every day.
It's a 1 hour drive from here to my parents' house.
Yukuri is there having fun with my niece and nephew (my younger brother's kids) in her age who live there. Yesterday my sister-in-law sent me an e-mail that said Yukuri and her one year older cousin Yurie were chatting and romping around until the very last moment before they went to sleep last night. Yukuri must be really happy being with Yurie. Yukuri loves her.
This is the first time since Yukuri was born that my family live separately. This is the reality that no one could even imagine just a week ago. Everything has turned upside down. I have to live through this thinking there must be some meaning to all of this.
The third day in the hospital. The radioactive treatment in the morning killed the second tumor.
My cousin brother came by in the afternoon. I got a permission to go out and we went to a cafe with ocean view and had Yuzu gelato. It was so delicious.
Then we went to a temple called Yukayama which is known as a "Power Spot" in Okayama. My cousin, who has two children, got abruptly laid off after the company got sold, but he got a new job after he paid visit to this temple to pray. He said I'd be all right too after we go there and pray. He bought me a "sacrifice charm" there. I hope it works... Gasho (a ritual gesture formed by placing hands together in a prayer)
That night, around 8pm, I felt extreme pain in my chest and back. It was so unbearable that I called the nurse. The nurse gave me a pain killer and massaged my back but it still hurts no matter how I position my body. It hurts and I can't breathe. By the decision of the doctor on duty I was sent to the CT room right away. They had been focusing on the brain treatment in this hospital and they didn't seem to have enough knowledge of my lung conditions.
It turned out that the pain was coming from the lung. I was told that there is no other option but to just take the painkiller. If it's not working then I should take a stronger medicine, they told me.
The painkiller did actually start to work. I got better and I could even tell some jokes.
It feels like the pain becomes the worst in the night.
It's a 1 hour drive from here to my parents' house.
Yukuri is there having fun with my niece and nephew (my younger brother's kids) in her age who live there. Yesterday my sister-in-law sent me an e-mail that said Yukuri and her one year older cousin Yurie were chatting and romping around until the very last moment before they went to sleep last night. Yukuri must be really happy being with Yurie. Yukuri loves her.
This is the first time since Yukuri was born that my family live separately. This is the reality that no one could even imagine just a week ago. Everything has turned upside down. I have to live through this thinking there must be some meaning to all of this.
The third day in the hospital. The radioactive treatment in the morning killed the second tumor.
My cousin brother came by in the afternoon. I got a permission to go out and we went to a cafe with ocean view and had Yuzu gelato. It was so delicious.
Then we went to a temple called Yukayama which is known as a "Power Spot" in Okayama. My cousin, who has two children, got abruptly laid off after the company got sold, but he got a new job after he paid visit to this temple to pray. He said I'd be all right too after we go there and pray. He bought me a "sacrifice charm" there. I hope it works... Gasho (a ritual gesture formed by placing hands together in a prayer)
That night, around 8pm, I felt extreme pain in my chest and back. It was so unbearable that I called the nurse. The nurse gave me a pain killer and massaged my back but it still hurts no matter how I position my body. It hurts and I can't breathe. By the decision of the doctor on duty I was sent to the CT room right away. They had been focusing on the brain treatment in this hospital and they didn't seem to have enough knowledge of my lung conditions.
It turned out that the pain was coming from the lung. I was told that there is no other option but to just take the painkiller. If it's not working then I should take a stronger medicine, they told me.
The painkiller did actually start to work. I got better and I could even tell some jokes.
It feels like the pain becomes the worst in the night.
7/17/2010
July 17, 2010 07:07 Since then
That day I was in the examination room and was told "it was the worst result". It was a malignant tumor.There was a shadow found in the X-ray which was taken just for checking back in May, and two month later I was told I had a cancer.
I don't smoke. There are no smokers in my surrounding. Did I do something wrong? Why me?
The doctors and the nurses make sad faces every time they learn how old my child is.
Am I that bad?
I can't live long?
They asked me "Is there anywhere else that you feel pain?". As soon as I said I had a headache I was told to go get CT scanned right away. So I went to the CT room. Masao-san was called right away and they explained to him about the curing methods. At that time they told us about the fact of the brain metastasis.I didn't feel like I was listening to something about myself. I was as if listening absentmindedly to the doctor. I was like "Hey, yeah I can see that too, it is right there, also in the brain" ... like I was impressed. I turned to look Masao-san who was standing behind me and saw his face turning so pale. I told him to sit down on the bed.
Although I was told that I would be transferred to the cancer center at Tsukishima as there is not sufficient facility here in Nihon University Hospital, I had been thinking that I would want to move to a hospital close to my parents' house if the situation turned out to be serious. I moved out of my parents' house when I was 17. I caused them a lot of trouble and anxiety.
They say that if you don't hear from someone that means they are doing all right. That might be true when they are actually well and healthy, but that's not the case here. Now they know that I have cancer, being far away and not knowing how I'm doing would cause them a lot more anxiety. Also, although we have a lot of friends in Tokyo, we can't ask them to look after Yukuri for too long. Masao would collapse if he had to look after Yukuri and me at the same time for who knows how long. Besides, it takes one hour by train from our house to Tsukishima. It'd be a trouble to commute that distance every day. So I told the doctor that I wanted to be treated in a hospital in my hometown Hiroshima. The doctor felt that I should do whatever the best way I feel and wrote me a referral. He is a very nice doctor. He said he knows a lot of patients who are living long by having positive feelings. He told me to be strong and encouraged me.
My friend Tara found me a good hospital close to my parents' house. Since my parents' house is closer to Okayama than to Hiroshima, Okayama University Hospital is closer than Hiroshima University Hospital. Besides, I have relatives in Okayama who I could rely on just in case.
I told my doctor that I could go to Okayama and get a treatment tomorrow. The doctor gave me an intravenous (IV) drip that prevents swelling of the cancer so there wouldn't be any problem until tomorrow. Meanwhile Masao-san was doing things like going to the accounting and Talking to Tara-chan about what to expect now.
We went home and right away we started packing for tomorrow, organized things for work and canceled all the upcoming exhibitions and workshops.
I had Nao-chan cut my hair short. It's so easy now cause the hair is still permed and there's no need for styling. I like it a lot.I could hardly eat anything last night but the croquettes that Miho-chan cooked for me was so delicious. There was a potato digging event at the kindergarten that day. Yukuri brought home a lot of potatos and I promised to make curry. I couldn't keep your promise ...I'm sorry.
Day 3 in the hospital. I can't help crying when I think of Yukuri. So I try not to think about it. They gave me a permission to go out tomorrow. My mom will bring Yukuri and the three of us will be going out.
I am living with help from many people right now. I'll do my best so I can see you all again and thank you.Thank you.
7/16/2010
July 16, 2010 21:33 Today's treatment
Another patient in my floor has been screaming "HELP ME!" many times now. It's very loud!
Oh, now it's quiet.
Today I had my brain CT scanned with the radiocontrast agent this morning. They say it could cause a shock symptom if the radiocontrast agent doesn't match my body. I got a little nervous because I was given a brief instruction and had to sign the agreement before they started using it.
It turned out ok.
Also, I was not supposed to move my head when they use something called cyber knife. So they took the profile of my face and made a mask out of it. They use the mask to keep my face in a fixed position when they give a treatment using cyber knife.
I was told that they look at this CT as well as the MR image they took yesterday to learn more precise condition of my brain before they start giving the radioactive treatment using cyber knife.
According to my doctor-friend Tara, this Kyokutou hospital that I'm in is one of the several hospitals in the country that can perform cyber knife treatment. They also have a pretty good track record. It was worth coming to Okayama just for this; you would have to give a whole brain radiation if they were not capable of cyber knife treatment with which you can give a pinpoint radiation to tumors.
So it was a cyber knife treatment this evening. 30 minute treatment didn't actually feel that long at all as I was covered with the mask they made this morning and listening to my favorite music on the cable radio they played for me. I love music.
I was given a permission to go out during the holidays as the doctors would be gone as well. So I and my family, the 3 of us, will be going out. My mom gave me an order to explain to Yukuri why her mom is not around because she doesn't seem to understand the situation.
How do I explain to her so she understands? What do think? Can you guys give me any advice!? Help me please m(._.)m
Oh, now it's quiet.
Today I had my brain CT scanned with the radiocontrast agent this morning. They say it could cause a shock symptom if the radiocontrast agent doesn't match my body. I got a little nervous because I was given a brief instruction and had to sign the agreement before they started using it.
It turned out ok.
Also, I was not supposed to move my head when they use something called cyber knife. So they took the profile of my face and made a mask out of it. They use the mask to keep my face in a fixed position when they give a treatment using cyber knife.
I was told that they look at this CT as well as the MR image they took yesterday to learn more precise condition of my brain before they start giving the radioactive treatment using cyber knife.
According to my doctor-friend Tara, this Kyokutou hospital that I'm in is one of the several hospitals in the country that can perform cyber knife treatment. They also have a pretty good track record. It was worth coming to Okayama just for this; you would have to give a whole brain radiation if they were not capable of cyber knife treatment with which you can give a pinpoint radiation to tumors.
So it was a cyber knife treatment this evening. 30 minute treatment didn't actually feel that long at all as I was covered with the mask they made this morning and listening to my favorite music on the cable radio they played for me. I love music.
I was given a permission to go out during the holidays as the doctors would be gone as well. So I and my family, the 3 of us, will be going out. My mom gave me an order to explain to Yukuri why her mom is not around because she doesn't seem to understand the situation.
How do I explain to her so she understands? What do think? Can you guys give me any advice!? Help me please m(._.)m
July 16, 2010 06:04 Truth
Two days have passed since I received the test results. At first, it seemed unreal, but now I am realizing that the diagnosis is true. I can't get away from it. I feel depressed by this unacceptable fact.Tears fall from my eyes. I can't stop crying.
After having more exams, it is even more serious than I thought. I am terrified. I might not be able to hold my daughter's hand on the way to kindergarten any more. The reality tortures me.
The radiation therapy on my brain will start tomorrow. Three tumors have been found in my brain by MRI yesterday. I will have to have MRIs regularly throughout my life to check metastasis.
Under the original plan, I was going to stay at Okayama University Hospital. But there is no cyber knife needed for my brain treatment. Now I will stay at another hospital that specializes in brain treatments.
After my brain treatment have finished, I will transfer to Okayama University Hospital to receive treatments for my lung. I haven't heard yet what type of treatment will be prescribed for my lung.
My condition now is getting better. My fever has stopped, but I am still coughing. I sometimes have pains in my head because of the tumors. I am on an IV to stop the pain and to prevent the tumors from swelling.
My husband takes good care of me. When he put his hands on my body where it hurts, the pain goes away. He also takes care of my pottery that hasn't been done. He is now all for me. My parents are also supportive.
The financial cost of treatment is excessive. It makes me feel sorry to think about the expense of the treatment plan. But I am still here and must stay alive.
My grandpa and grandma, I don't want to go where you are yet. At least until Yukuri turns 20. If I can have more years, I want to stay here until my husband and I see Yukuri in her wedding dress. I want to stay alive. Please don't take me there!
7/14/2010
July 14, 2010 21:09 Thanks
Today I received the result of the exams. It was the worst result. There is a malignant tumor in my lungs, and it has metastasized even to the brain. Since treatment has to start right away, I decided to move to my home town, Hiroshima. That way I can leave my daughter with my parents while I am in the hospital and my husband is at work.
I feel very sorry the result came out this way, although many of you have cheered me up.
My tumor cannot be cured and I will have to live with it all my life.
I was told by the doctor that I should give up on having another child. I wasn't pregnant but I wanted another child. I am disappointed.
As soon as I heard, I cancelled all my projects with my clients and my scheduled work.
My good friend as well as a doctor, Tara, looked up hospitals near my parents and found Okayama University Hospital. Thank you, Tara-chan.
My hair stylist friend Nao-chan came to my place and cut my hair. It will be easier to have short hair while I am in the hospital. Thank you, Nao-chan.
When I went to pick up my daughter, Yukuri, from my friend Miho-chan, my friends were gathered there and we all cried with the news. Miho-chan prepared dinner for me and even did laundry for my daughter. I can't say enough how much I appreciate her help. Thank you, Miho-chan.
That day I realized I have such good friends. I feel blessed with them. Thank you all.
I promise I will get better! When I am back, let’s celebrate my recovery!!
I just realized this will be the first hospitalization of my life.
My first hospitalization is with malignant tumors!! Yay!!!
I feel very sorry the result came out this way, although many of you have cheered me up.
My tumor cannot be cured and I will have to live with it all my life.
I was told by the doctor that I should give up on having another child. I wasn't pregnant but I wanted another child. I am disappointed.
As soon as I heard, I cancelled all my projects with my clients and my scheduled work.
My good friend as well as a doctor, Tara, looked up hospitals near my parents and found Okayama University Hospital. Thank you, Tara-chan.
My hair stylist friend Nao-chan came to my place and cut my hair. It will be easier to have short hair while I am in the hospital. Thank you, Nao-chan.
When I went to pick up my daughter, Yukuri, from my friend Miho-chan, my friends were gathered there and we all cried with the news. Miho-chan prepared dinner for me and even did laundry for my daughter. I can't say enough how much I appreciate her help. Thank you, Miho-chan.
That day I realized I have such good friends. I feel blessed with them. Thank you all.
I promise I will get better! When I am back, let’s celebrate my recovery!!
I just realized this will be the first hospitalization of my life.
My first hospitalization is with malignant tumors!! Yay!!!
7/10/2010
July 10, 2010 08:18 Emergency Room
After having an x-ray, CT and blood tests, an arterial blood test was added to the list. It was as painful as the muscle shot I had on the other day, plus the young doctor tried to stick a needle into the artery in my arm many times and failed. I was so nervous that I was hyperventilated. Well, as I was in the hospital, they could treat me anyway.
He decided to do it on thigh of my leg. I already had a fever and was very weak. Having unsuccessful shots more than 10 times was such a torture. At last, another doctor took over and nailed down the shot in one try.
I wondered why he didn’t do it to begin with, why I had to be experimented on by the young doctor.
While I was lying in the bed, another patient, an old man, was brought in. He said he placed a stick in his ass. He was deaf, so the nurse asked him loudly, Why is the stick in your ass? When did it happen? 10
years ago? It was just a misunderstanding. There was no stick in his ass. I always find my joke source at hospital, it is full of funny dramas at hospital.
Afterwards, I went home with a prescribed drug. I still had a 38c fever, though I felt better than yesterday. I have many things to do; I have to carry my painting out to a beauty parlor today, and will hold my work shop tomorrow. So I have to get over my fever by tomorrow.
7/08/2010
July 08, 2010 10:55 Next morning
Today I have a sore stomach and neck because I coughed a lot yesterday. I lost 2 kg in fasting yesterday. Unbelievable! No wonder I feel dizzy. I ate ochazuke (Japanese rice in tea) last night. Today after dropping off Yukuri I bought a three- egg tofu and ate all. I wanted to eat more. Since my throat hurts and I have sticky phlegm, I feel better with something smooth going down my throat.
So let me explain about the bronchoscopy yesterday. There are three kinds of anesthesia.
1. Inhaling a mist of anesthesia from a machine
2. Injection into my arm muscle. That hurts a lot.
3. Then, sticking out my tongue while the doctor sprinkled anesthesia into my trachea.
Anesthesia #3 gave me nausea. The doctor said, “If you don’t do this now, it will be very painful later.” So I did it.
I was told that #2, the injection, would make me unconscious. So I thought I could take the test unconscious. It would better. But my hopes were dashed when I was moved to the examination table.
They sent me to the operating room like I have seen in TV dramas. And they covered my eyes with gauze to prevent anesthesia from getting in them. Then they put something on my finger to measure oxygen and a blood pressure cuff on my arm--just in case. Then they said “stick out your chin” and pulled my tongue. Then they put the big equipment through my throat.
"I------------------! Impossible, impossible, impossible! The impossible!!" This was the first time I wanted to give up.
But I couldn’t talk. "Doctor, -------------impossible," I thought, appealing by hand. The doctor said, "Now, it goes through thinnest part, please be patient."
From this point on, I wrote about already yesterday. Just hard and painful.
Childbirth is about enduring pain. Bronchoscope pain is… The body rejects it. But I can’t control my body. I just try to be patient, patient and patient with all pain. It was really torture. My body really needed to breathe fully. But I couldn’t do it.
If I have to take a bronchoscopy again, I want to have full anesthesia even I have to spend a lot. So I can sleep completely. If I was told, “Yesterday’s test was unsuccessful, so do it one more time,” I would break down and cry. I would be crazy. Something like that was hard.
My test was done by two doctors. The assistant doctor’s voice was just like Osamu Mukai (Japanese actor). It was a very good voice. But he seemed like a masochist. He said to other doctor, “Do you want to go up or down. Which way?” I thought he was talking about how to place the tubes. I wanted to say, “I don’t care up or down. Please finish asap.” And he said, “Take a rest for two minutes.” NO way. It was totally impossible.
After the test, I wanted to say him, “Your voice is good.” But while I was telling my doctor, “I thought I could die,” he disappeared.
On this day there were four or five people who came in for a bronchoscopic examination. After my test, I was in the bed for another hour since I was still under the effects of the anesthesia. In the next room a bald guy was waiting for the same test, taking the same anesthesia. I wanted to open the curtains, shake his hand and say, “Put up with it.” But I was not able to do this. So I said it in my mind.
After the test, in the bed next to me again, I heard him roaring and coughing through the curtain. I told him in my mind, “I know it was hard and so painful. I know. I know.”
Another old man seems to be followed. After all the explanation and the anesthesia, he was transferred to the operating room. The nurse picked up the phone in the next room. And she said in a hurry, “Is the anesthesia not effective? What? He is behaving crazy?”
Well, could I have behaved like that? I wanted to if he could. I really thought that. I tried to be really patient. I really wanted to be able to move my hands and legs on the bed since I could not talk. The only thing I could do was to indicate, “Impossible,” by shaking my hands. That’s all. Old man, I really know your feeling.
I was told I would get a lot of sputum after the test. But I didn’t get much. I brought a lot of tissue paper in case. There were tissues in the hospital. I did not need them.
This is the end of the report. Did you enjoy?
So let me explain about the bronchoscopy yesterday. There are three kinds of anesthesia.
1. Inhaling a mist of anesthesia from a machine
2. Injection into my arm muscle. That hurts a lot.
3. Then, sticking out my tongue while the doctor sprinkled anesthesia into my trachea.
Anesthesia #3 gave me nausea. The doctor said, “If you don’t do this now, it will be very painful later.” So I did it.
I was told that #2, the injection, would make me unconscious. So I thought I could take the test unconscious. It would better. But my hopes were dashed when I was moved to the examination table.
They sent me to the operating room like I have seen in TV dramas. And they covered my eyes with gauze to prevent anesthesia from getting in them. Then they put something on my finger to measure oxygen and a blood pressure cuff on my arm--just in case. Then they said “stick out your chin” and pulled my tongue. Then they put the big equipment through my throat.
"I------------------! Impossible, impossible, impossible! The impossible!!" This was the first time I wanted to give up.
But I couldn’t talk. "Doctor, -------------impossible," I thought, appealing by hand. The doctor said, "Now, it goes through thinnest part, please be patient."
From this point on, I wrote about already yesterday. Just hard and painful.
Childbirth is about enduring pain. Bronchoscope pain is… The body rejects it. But I can’t control my body. I just try to be patient, patient and patient with all pain. It was really torture. My body really needed to breathe fully. But I couldn’t do it.
If I have to take a bronchoscopy again, I want to have full anesthesia even I have to spend a lot. So I can sleep completely. If I was told, “Yesterday’s test was unsuccessful, so do it one more time,” I would break down and cry. I would be crazy. Something like that was hard.
My test was done by two doctors. The assistant doctor’s voice was just like Osamu Mukai (Japanese actor). It was a very good voice. But he seemed like a masochist. He said to other doctor, “Do you want to go up or down. Which way?” I thought he was talking about how to place the tubes. I wanted to say, “I don’t care up or down. Please finish asap.” And he said, “Take a rest for two minutes.” NO way. It was totally impossible.
After the test, I wanted to say him, “Your voice is good.” But while I was telling my doctor, “I thought I could die,” he disappeared.
On this day there were four or five people who came in for a bronchoscopic examination. After my test, I was in the bed for another hour since I was still under the effects of the anesthesia. In the next room a bald guy was waiting for the same test, taking the same anesthesia. I wanted to open the curtains, shake his hand and say, “Put up with it.” But I was not able to do this. So I said it in my mind.
After the test, in the bed next to me again, I heard him roaring and coughing through the curtain. I told him in my mind, “I know it was hard and so painful. I know. I know.”
Another old man seems to be followed. After all the explanation and the anesthesia, he was transferred to the operating room. The nurse picked up the phone in the next room. And she said in a hurry, “Is the anesthesia not effective? What? He is behaving crazy?”
Well, could I have behaved like that? I wanted to if he could. I really thought that. I tried to be really patient. I really wanted to be able to move my hands and legs on the bed since I could not talk. The only thing I could do was to indicate, “Impossible,” by shaking my hands. That’s all. Old man, I really know your feeling.
I was told I would get a lot of sputum after the test. But I didn’t get much. I brought a lot of tissue paper in case. There were tissues in the hospital. I did not need them.
This is the end of the report. Did you enjoy?
7/07/2010
July 07, 2010 Successfully survived
Finally I am home. I am alive (exaggerated). If you can say the pain of birth is ranked 100, the toughness of the bronchoscopy is 100, as well. It is the perfect example of torture.
I thought about how to describe this pain. (I was not so nervous.) Please try to imagine. You are in the sea with a weight on your legs or pushed into the water head down. You are suffering with little oxygen, fighting to be alive. You struggle this way for 15 minutes. Now you know my pain. Right?
Moreover, the doctor said, “Because you are young, your body reacts quickly to anesthesia.” So I coughed every time I got anesthesia and I could not fully cough and could not talk because he put the instrument in my throat and spread the trachea. So I tried to appeal with my hands: “No! Doc! Impossible!!” He just said, “I know it is painful. I will give you more anesthesia.” I said in my mind, “Please don’t. It makes it worse.” It was sooo painful. Because I was coughing a lot, the doctor said, “Don’t cough. You will not able to breathe,” and “Stop coughing. I know it is impossible.” Anyway, somehow I am done.
If I had been able to talk during the test, I am pretty sure I would have shouted at the doctor, “Are you trying to kill me?”
And now, I have very, very sore throat. I was very hungry before the test. Now I can eat but have no wish to eat.
Once the tool was removed, I said to the doctor (with my best voice from my traumatized throat), “I thought I was going to die.” I will have the results in a week.
Next time I will try to write about the doctor who has a voice just like the actor Osamu Mukai, the guy who had the same test after me and the third patient who raged while having the endoscopy test.
I thought about how to describe this pain. (I was not so nervous.) Please try to imagine. You are in the sea with a weight on your legs or pushed into the water head down. You are suffering with little oxygen, fighting to be alive. You struggle this way for 15 minutes. Now you know my pain. Right?
Moreover, the doctor said, “Because you are young, your body reacts quickly to anesthesia.” So I coughed every time I got anesthesia and I could not fully cough and could not talk because he put the instrument in my throat and spread the trachea. So I tried to appeal with my hands: “No! Doc! Impossible!!” He just said, “I know it is painful. I will give you more anesthesia.” I said in my mind, “Please don’t. It makes it worse.” It was sooo painful. Because I was coughing a lot, the doctor said, “Don’t cough. You will not able to breathe,” and “Stop coughing. I know it is impossible.” Anyway, somehow I am done.
If I had been able to talk during the test, I am pretty sure I would have shouted at the doctor, “Are you trying to kill me?”
And now, I have very, very sore throat. I was very hungry before the test. Now I can eat but have no wish to eat.
Once the tool was removed, I said to the doctor (with my best voice from my traumatized throat), “I thought I was going to die.” I will have the results in a week.
Next time I will try to write about the doctor who has a voice just like the actor Osamu Mukai, the guy who had the same test after me and the third patient who raged while having the endoscopy test.
July 07, 2010 13:16 I am in the hospital.
July 07, 2010 10:10 Fasting
I usually make a box lunch in the morning and feed Yukuri. Then I drop her off at kindergarten. And I eat my breakfast. It was so busy this morning. I suddenly found it was almost 9:00am. I rushed eating yogurt before dropping Yukuri off. I made it. I could not imagine having an exam without food.
It is pretty okay not eating when I am busy and have no time to eat. But when someone says, “Don’t eat,” I want to eat more. I think that it is a natural reaction for most people. Anyway, it is very hard without even water, especially in this hot weather.
I feel like it is the beginning of torture.
July 07, 2010 05:00 Bronchial endoscopy, today
Well, today is the day of the exam I have been waiting for. It is 4:40am now. I woke up at 3:30am. The reason is not that I am afraid of the test. I was tired yesterday and fell asleep with Yukuri at 8:30pm. It is a pattern that I lie in bed with her until she falls asleep. But last night we slept together.
Please don’t read on if you are having a meal now. I threw up while I was coughing. The cough upset my stomach. I have always had a sensitive stomach. I threw up in the car when I was child, with alcohol in my twenties, and with my pregnancy in my thirties.
However, this is the first time I have thrown up because of a cough!! I caught it in my mouth and went straight to the bathroom. I made it. It was a big surprise.
I have heard so many times I will feel like vomiting when I put the tube in my mouth for the endoscopy today. But I already did vomit-- before the test. I still cannot believe that I vomited by coughing. It seems impossible.
So about the test today. I tell myself before the test that it will be very painful. And I expect that it will not be so bad. It is like an excellent movie preview. And you are disappointed later.
Please don’t read on if you are having a meal now. I threw up while I was coughing. The cough upset my stomach. I have always had a sensitive stomach. I threw up in the car when I was child, with alcohol in my twenties, and with my pregnancy in my thirties.
However, this is the first time I have thrown up because of a cough!! I caught it in my mouth and went straight to the bathroom. I made it. It was a big surprise.
I have heard so many times I will feel like vomiting when I put the tube in my mouth for the endoscopy today. But I already did vomit-- before the test. I still cannot believe that I vomited by coughing. It seems impossible.
So about the test today. I tell myself before the test that it will be very painful. And I expect that it will not be so bad. It is like an excellent movie preview. And you are disappointed later.
7/05/2010
July 05, 2010 10:41 Anxiety
 |
Also about the fever. I thought I had no fever. However, when I measured it, it is 37.1C. I usually don’t have a high fever. If I do, I really feel bad. And now it is 37.3C. Was I having a high fever other days? Is that the reason I got tired so easily?
Also I am always coughing. It seems to be inevitable for me to have an endoscopy.
I always tell my supportive doctor friend the results of my exams. I asked, “Have you ever had an endoscopy?” “I have done the procedure as a doctor but have not had one as a patient.” Sure.., I was advised that if it is painful, I should let the doctors know and they will deal with it. “Relaxing is important. The anesthesia does not work when you are nervous.”
When I spoke to the first doctor in the clinic on the phone, I said, “You have not taken my sputum. If my sputum is tested, can I avoid the endoscope?” “Taking your sputum is not enough, please have the endoscopy.” I asked many other questions about things that were not clear.Both doctors in the clinic and the university hospital concluded there was no way for me to avoid endoscopy after X-rays and exams.
In the clinic there was a person who was diagnosed with Cryptococcosis like me. It was lung cancer actually. The doctor seems worried about that. But I am 10 years younger than that person. So it seems the doctor is not that worried.
If it’s so, I don’t need that info, doctor!!
I can’t do anything until I get all the results. I am concerned more about the endoscopic exam than any other examination now. I have to overcome this challenge. I'll fight!!
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