Lights out is at 10pm, but when I sleep then, I wake up around 4am. I’ve been posting on mixi that I’ve been feeling good but recently, the medicine wears out by early morning and I get a fever of 39 C. Went through days where my body ached and feeling groggy with the IV. There are times when I feel good but I get tired easily. It seems that my immune system is down due to the reduction of white blood cells with the chemo. Having X-rays and blood tests everyday is tiring. I do have an appetite except when my body feels unwell. Masao-san cooks food that’s good for my body and brings it to me.
I feel bad that friends come to visit from afar and there are times when I’m unwell. I sweat a lot from the fever but I can’t even shower and feels gross. I wonder if I can shower today.
The other day, I saw Yukuri for the first time in a while. Felt a bit distant since it’s been a while since we last met, but I could also tell that she was trying really hard even as a little child. I cried when she said, “Mama, gambattene”
I absolutely have to go back to the life I had. & to love her more than ever.
I will never give up and I will never give in
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