July 05, 2010 10:41 Anxiety

I will have a bronchial endoscopy the day after tomorrow, Tanabata day (The Japanese star festival). Recently many people have asked me, “Have you lost weight?” Really? I don’t think so. Just less than 1 kg. Maybe because of this hot weather. Why is it so noticeable? I was not fat. Losing less than 1 kg is not like losing 3-4 kg, which would be unusual. Why do people ask that?
Also about the fever. I thought I had no fever. However, when I measured it, it is 37.1C. I usually don’t have a high fever. If I do, I really feel bad. And now it is 37.3C. Was I having a high fever other days? Is that the reason I got tired so easily?
Also I am always coughing. It seems to be inevitable for me to have an endoscopy.
I always tell my supportive doctor friend the results of my exams. I asked, “Have you ever had an endoscopy?”  “I have done the procedure as a doctor but have not had one as a patient.” Sure.., I was advised that if it is painful, I should let the doctors know and they will deal with it. “Relaxing is important. The anesthesia does not work when you are nervous.”
 When I spoke to the first doctor in the clinic on the phone, I said, “You have not taken my sputum. If my sputum is tested, can I avoid the endoscope?” “Taking your sputum is not enough, please have the endoscopy.” I asked many other questions about things that were not clear.Both doctors in the clinic and the university hospital concluded there was no way for me to avoid endoscopy after X-rays and exams.
In the clinic there was a person who was diagnosed with Cryptococcosis like me. It was lung cancer actually. The doctor seems worried about that. But I am 10 years younger than that person. So it seems the doctor is not that worried.
If it’s so, I don’t need that info, doctor!!
I can’t do anything until I get all the results. I am concerned more about the endoscopic exam than any other examination now. I have to overcome this challenge.    I'll fight!!